letter #014 | dear younger me: everything is gonna be just fine.

everything is gonna be just fine.

Letter #014

July 12, 2023

dear younger me,

Honestly? I've overthought the shit out of this letter for the last 6 weeks.

In short, the last several weeks have been some of the most eventful of my whole life.

I have gone back and mf forth on: how vulnerable I should be about them, how vulnerable I felt I even could be about them, and have literally had moments of sadness every week that has passed without me sharing anything because I was too hung up on the way it would be delivered and received (really: the way I would be perceived).

I relinquish responsibility of that now. An artist's job is to create art, so that's what I'ma do.

in today's letter:

  • brief recap on an incredibly eventful 6 weeks
  • notes on gratitude
  • a 'glimmering' photo journal of memes and moments

the last six weeks in a nutshell:

In a nutshell, I:

-parted ways with the man I thought I would marry.

-awarded my first scholarship to a student at my community college.

-moved into my first townhome.

-spent most of June on medical leave after experiencing the beginning stages of mania, one of the two extremes on the Bipolar I spectrum.

-surpassed 125 days of gratitude and more than 1,250 things entries in my gratitude journal.

-started this current letter, shared the title and first few lines of it on Instagram, then didn't finish or send it out til now. (Sorry.)

-began a daily Bible study that has been very fruitful.

Needless to say, the past month and a half has been a lot!

carving out space for both good moments & plot twists.

The good moments have been more than beautiful and the plot twist moments have felt disorienting and...sad.

I grieve my last relationship and the imagined future I held with my partner. That has probably been the most difficult transition of my recent past because it was the first time I was with someone with whom I could vividly imagine my future. To go back to the drawing board after a connection that magical seems almost silly.

I'm afraid to start dating again and don't want to anytime soon. Partially because I want space and time to heal, but also because I don’t want to start over with someone else. I quietly worry whether I will find love like that again.

Despite loving kids, I spent several years not wanting to have them because I thought I would be too broken and messed up to raise them well. To have felt like I finally met someone with whom I could share that sacred experience and then have its potentiality evaporate, has been hard to say the least.

thank you, gratitude.

In my last Instagram post, I talked about how having a daily gratitude practice has changed my life. Not only is the practice powerful, it’s empowering.

Throughout each of these recent events, in spite of the many emotions they have brought, I have felt gratitude and peace.

Gratitude has carried me through each of these events and across the mountains and valleys of emotions that have travelled with them.

Every day, I still feel so grateful for my life.

Learning how to manage my perspective and focus on what's going right, what I do have, and what I can control has been one of the most meaningful and powerful mental shifts I've ever made.

A part of me was really trying to have a consistent publishing schedule for my newsletter ready by the time I started writing again, but in reality, I'm just not there yet.

It might be every two weeks with an occasional bonus letter in between and sometimes the letters might be spaced out a bit farther than that. I'm not sure yet and I don't want to promise something I can't keep. One thing I am sure of right now is that for the foreseeable future, I will always return to writing these letters.

As I wrote in one of my very first letters here, writing has been my way home to myself and the most reliable way I've come to understand and interact with the world around me. I breathe through writing.

I'll always come back.

chronicling the last six weeks in photos.

Though I've never posted a "photo dump" on Instagram, they've always intrigued me and I enjoy looking through others' captures of the moments in their life and trying to understand the significance (if any) of the moments they choose to share.

I will include captions on some of these photos and others, maybe not. But here are some moments that made the good times better and the harder times bearable.

Giving thanks for it all though. 🤍

a 'glimmering' photo journal:

everything is gonna be just fine.

One of the creators I follow and admire for her down-to-earth spirit, vulnerability, and caring heart, occasionally shares the quote “everything is gonna be just fine” on her story like this:

In difficult seasons of my life, that phrase has given me hope and something I looked forward to seeing.

Thank you for reading, Reader, and I hope you have a good rest of your week. 🫂

Have any thoughts about this letter? Did anything resonate with you?

Just reply to this email to let me know. It makes my day to hear from you and I respond to every message.

Dear Reader,

I hope you recognize a few glimmers in your own life this week. And if you'd like, I'd love to read however many you feel comfortable sharing with me.

Know that I appreciate your presence here and in my life. Keep going and never lose hope, Reader. I appreciate you and I'll see you soon. :]

With love,

Amahni E. Yarber


PO Box 814, Chino Hills, CA 91709
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