take small beginnings seriously.

Letter #001

January 9, 2023 | 5:57am

About 2 ½ years ago, you started your first company. On a whim. Just because a few people kept repeating to you that your “little idea” just might work.

Interestingly, I’ve been intensely debating how and when to start this newsletter for a good week now. Wanting it to be the perfect beginning. Have the perfect intro. And intro into what? I don’t even know yet.

What I do know is that the birthing process—of a person, a movement, an idea—is often messy and imperfect.

The fear of “creating perfectly” and “not letting it flop” has had me in a chokehold over the last week. But I won't let it overcome me.

Because the outcome is not the goal. The output is.

I am here be sincere. Authentic. And to show up as wholly and unapologetically as I can. Slowly, I am learning to chip away at the pieces of me that say my voice doesn’t belong. Or that my words and story aren’t powerful and useful. They are both. And I will continue to write until I believe that.

When I was starting my tutoring company, I almost let fear get the best of me then, too.

I was very unsure of my work, of my worth, and of myself. I just had an idea, and with enough gentle prodding from people who also believed in my vision, I was able to start acting on it. Before I was ready.

To say that my life and those of others have been changed as a result of that one decision would be making light of it. I’ve made a difference in the lives of my kids and their families and it all started with embarking on something new before I was ready.

I know that whole worlds open up when you just take a chance in the world, and back it up with some sincerity, work ethic, and continuity.

I am so proud of you, younger self.

I know I don’t look back often enough and tell you that.

So starting today, we are changing that.

By using this makeshift series of letters to go back to the drawing board. And return again and again not just to understanding who I am at my core, but to celebrating the person I have become, and am still creating, along the way.

Who Am I?

I think this is a much better inquisitive prompt than “TeLL mE aBoUt YoUrSeLf.” I find the latter of these is too closely associated with appearance and pretenses around who we think we “ought” to be to the world.

When I have answered this question in past interviews, it’s always felt like a vie for validation. To prove myself. In the hopes that I will be impressive enough to land the job. (I rarely did by the way—thank God for that.) But regardless, I no longer want to do that.

I no longer want to rattle off laundry lists of accomplishments and boring fact trivia about where I grew up and went to school when someone asks me who I am.

When I think about who I am, that question nudges me to revisit who my younger self wanted me to be and how well those younger yearnings, at their core, align with who I’ve become today. The question also invites me to think about the older me and how I want her to be remembered.

Here is who I think I am currently:

My name is Amahni Yarber.

My first name means peace in Swahili and it’s very special to me. My father chose it and changed the spelling in an effort to help me not get teased about it at school.

I’m a meaning-driven person, in that I am in constant search for the lessons and value of my life’s experiences.

I enjoy creating thoughtful gifts and celebrations for people I care about. And I’m good at it.

I also like writing letters to people and do so often.

I’m reflective, introspective, creative, and driven.

I am guided by principles of integrity, sincerity, effort, and the concept of kaizen, a Japanese word that translates to continuous learning and improvement.

I enjoy learning about new ideas through conversation, reading, reflection, and observation.

I usually have music playing, and as a result, have ranked in the 99th percentile of Spotify music listeners since 2015.

I’m funny. One thing about me, I’ll make myself laugh. Whether you laugh is irrelevant, but if you do, it’s just icing on the cake.

I’ve been told I’m “way too hard on myself” since I was six years old. I’m still learning how to fully accept and cherish myself.

I like to ask questions and honor the duality, nuances, and grey areas of life and people.

I am constantly striving. But sometimes I wonder all that drives that.

I get satisfaction from knowing that I tried.

Why Am I Doing This?

The pace at which my everyday life moves overwhelms and saddens me sometimes.

I think that in my typical day-to-day life of following subconscious routines and tending to so-called urgent tasks, there is a lot that I miss. Not only in observing my surroundings, but also, in observing myself.

Self-reflection through writing has been a powerful tool I have used for many years, albeit inconsistently.

And sometimes I wonder whether the somewhat shakiness of who I think I am in the world and my hesitancy to take up space is a result of not regularly taking time to reflect on how my past steps have all led me to my current self.

In other words, credit don’t be being given where credit be due, and I want to change that.

My wish for these letters is to create, share, and exchange with others, independent of the algorithmic changes (and noise, honestly) of social media.

I also want to develop a consistent practice of writing and reflection.

My whole life, writing has been the clearest, most natural, and most reliable tool I have used to understand myself and the world.

I write to come home to myself.

I think I have a lot to offer the world and I want to orient myself more towards creating, expressing, and sharing those ideas than I do consuming them.

Along the way, I hope to foster a community with others who also take time to reflect on how far they’ve come and who hold close to them the hope of all they can become.

Lastly, representation and passing down knowledge are both important to me. I have a lot of young women of color in my life who I care about deeply. I hope these letters can offer some guidance and support to them as they navigate through life.

What You Can Expect

Every Sunday, for at least the next year, you can expect to receive a letter from me in your inbox.

[Two notes about this:

1. This letter being sent on a Monday was an accident—I fell asleep before hitting publish last night.

2. The letters won't always be this long.]

I haven’t yet worked out the details regarding the structure of each week’s letter, so I appreciate your patience in advance as I construct that.

The letters will contain a reflection, maybe a current update, probably one to a few quotes that resonate with me, and maybe songs, articles, and other insights that I found interesting or thought-provoking throughout the week.

It’s hard to say all that this will become right now because it's a new beginning in uncharted territory.

What I do know now is that, by taking small steps each day and each week in the direction of my vision and who I want to become, I will forge a future that is brilliant and meaningful to me.

I’m excited to go on this journey with you:

Looking back to see how far we’ve come.

Standing still to appreciate where we are now.

And slowly but intentionally stepping past fear and forward into growth.

From here, anything is possible.

I’d Love to Hear From You

Have any thoughts about this letter? Did anything resonate with you? Got an idea for something you’d like to see in a future letter?

Just reply to this email to let me know. I’m happy to hear from you and respond to every message.

Thank you for being here, Reader. I’m grateful to go on this journey with you.

Have a great week and I’ll see you Sunday (for real this time).

Sincerely,

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