letter #012 | dear younger me: 3 years left.

3 years left.

Letter #012

May 2, 2023

"if you found out you had only 3 years left to live, what would you do differently in your life?"

This question floored me, but my answers surfaced so effortlessly:

If I found I had only 3 years left to live,

  • I would slow down.
  • I would take more time to rest. To savor more of the "boring," simple moments: sitting at a red light, standing in line at the grocery store, going to pick up the mail (see: bills), folding laundry, listening to the phone ring as I wait for a loved one to pick up...
  • I would separate myself more from my work:
    • One of the challenges of my entrepreneur/self-employed journey has been knowing when to "turn off" being "Ms. Amahni" and just be...Amahni.
    • I'm kind of always in this state of working: ideating, strategizing, creating reports, analyzing reports, responding to clients, preparing agendas and summaries, the list goes on.
    • While it helps that I like my work a lot, it's important to remember that I am so much more than just my work. I can almost guarantee I wouldn't arrive at the end of those three years wishing I had worked more.
  • I would dedicate myself wholeheartedly to just showing up to work on my crafts:
    • To see how far I could progress athletically and wholly independent of how much I weighed, what the size of my waist was, etc.
      • Why would any of that matter? (Why does it now?)
    • I would continue writing, because this practice is grounding and centering to me. The replies I receive from you guys, sharing that my words resonated with you, makes me feel warm, and cozy, and more in community, every time.
  • I would place more time and intention into current and new relationships, shifting my focus there from routine interactions to ones teeming with depth, authenticity, and vulnerability.
  • I would go to more concerts of my favorite musicians (and new ones), too, and not forego concerts for the sake of working more.
  • I would continue walking in nature each day and taking time to record in my gratitude journal shortly thereafter.
  • I would watch the sunset each night instead of staying indoors to study and work.
  • I would finally go travel abroad again, something I've quietly been afraid of doing since my hospitalization on study abroad.
  • I would stop postponing joyful moments like Spongebob + Pixar movie marathons with my partner so I could—you guessed it—get more work done.
  • I would laugh more. That deep, uncontrollable, I-can't-breathe-my-stomach-hurts-and-I-have-tears-streaming-down-my-face kind of laughter.
  • I would spend more time just experiencing "just day-to-day things" with those closest to me: watching my father cook, having breakfast with my grandfather, listening to my sisters, laughing with my mom.
  • I would continue going to therapy and really, for these last few years, try to act on what it means to love and accept myself now, as is, and without conditions. The way we show up for others starts with how we show up for ourselves.
  • I would be kinder to myself—grant myself more grace, more acceptance, and more unconditional positive regard.
  • And I would hope that by the end of those three years, I would feel less: scared, serious, rigid, judgmental, and more: confident, daring, open, and true to myself.

In closing, I will leave you with the second part of these two questions, which reads:

If those are the decisions you would make if you found out you only have 3 years to live...why wouldn't you do it now? Why would you wait until you only had 3 years to live?

I appreciate you being here. 🙏🏽

I’d love to hear from you.

Have any thoughts about this letter? Did anything resonate with you? Have a reflection or thought you want to share about this week's writing?

Just reply to this email to let me know. I’m happy to hear from you and respond to every message.

I hope that you can take just a moment this week to consider what your answers for these questions might be in your own life. If you can, I'd love to hear as much of your response as you'd feel comfortable sharing.

Regardless, it means a lot having you here and it's not something I take lightly, Reader. Thank you for reading, thank you for your presence, and I'll see you next week.

With love,

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